The Human Resources Department here at The Society For Freedom Enforced By Massive Destructive Power
People are always a little surprised when they find out that amongst my many duties I serve as the head of HR for The Society For Freedom Enforced By Massive Destructive Power. No one ever thinks of the HR needs of organizations like ours. MI 5, SPECTRE, Secret Service, The Illuminati, CIA, KAOS, The Gnomes of Zurich, etc. Either side of the fight needs somebody making sure everyone has adequate medical care and a decent retirement package. Granted many of their employees do not live long enough to take the retirement package, but our high rate survivor/death and disability payouts make up for that.
As in most industries your high end employees (i.e. spies, mad scientists, henchmen with a gimmick) are on the high compensation end of the scale. But what about the clerical staff. The guys in the mail room. Would you want to go to work everyday knowing that at any time your offices could be attacked by a rival organization. No. But that is the reality of this industry. So in the world of shadow organizations a decent comp and benefits package is a strong recruiting tool.
So people join for the adventure. Others because they agree with our Mission Statement. And others for the perks (i.e. guns, trips to orbital space weapons platforms, fairly realistic sexbots, etc.) But many join for the same reasons most people have a job. Because it is a job with a regular paycheck and a decent benefits package.
We offer multiple health care providers, all of which are at lower rates then any of our competitors. This includes dental and vision* as well. We offer the industries highest company match to an employees 401K. Flex time, working from home (when appropriate to the position) and full service day care facilities are just some of the other benefits we offer.
We have a strong history of promotion from within as well as a highly motivational training/disciplinary** system for employees.
Should you be interested in joining our organization, don't worry WE WILL FIND YOU.
*Please Note: Laser vision correction is free when performed by our inhouse staff here on the premises.
**Please Note: The motivational training/disciplinary system consists of locking employees with poor performance issues in a room full of hungry Mandrills, while the employee wears a meat vest. The training program consists of putting a meat vest wearing employee in a room next to a room full of Mandrills. Should the employee fail to master the training/skill set required the door to the Mandrills is automatically open. Therefore you may wish to check with your physician to see if you are allergic to Mandrill fur before applying for a position.
As in most industries your high end employees (i.e. spies, mad scientists, henchmen with a gimmick) are on the high compensation end of the scale. But what about the clerical staff. The guys in the mail room. Would you want to go to work everyday knowing that at any time your offices could be attacked by a rival organization. No. But that is the reality of this industry. So in the world of shadow organizations a decent comp and benefits package is a strong recruiting tool.
So people join for the adventure. Others because they agree with our Mission Statement. And others for the perks (i.e. guns, trips to orbital space weapons platforms, fairly realistic sexbots, etc.) But many join for the same reasons most people have a job. Because it is a job with a regular paycheck and a decent benefits package.
We offer multiple health care providers, all of which are at lower rates then any of our competitors. This includes dental and vision* as well. We offer the industries highest company match to an employees 401K. Flex time, working from home (when appropriate to the position) and full service day care facilities are just some of the other benefits we offer.
We have a strong history of promotion from within as well as a highly motivational training/disciplinary** system for employees.
Should you be interested in joining our organization, don't worry WE WILL FIND YOU.
*Please Note: Laser vision correction is free when performed by our inhouse staff here on the premises.
**Please Note: The motivational training/disciplinary system consists of locking employees with poor performance issues in a room full of hungry Mandrills, while the employee wears a meat vest. The training program consists of putting a meat vest wearing employee in a room next to a room full of Mandrills. Should the employee fail to master the training/skill set required the door to the Mandrills is automatically open. Therefore you may wish to check with your physician to see if you are allergic to Mandrill fur before applying for a position.
posted by GD at 12:11 PM
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